Cert 12A
143 mins
BBFC advice: Contains moderate violence
"It's not an S. It means hope.''
There standing in front of us is the most famous action hero we have ever known and we are expected to believe the S on his Spandex top doesn't stand for Superman any more.
It is as if the movie-makers are trying to force us to forget the glory years of Christopher Reeve, Gene Hackman and Marlon Brando.
For goodness sake, they haven't even used the word Superman in the film's title.
What the heck is 'Man Of Steel' supposed to mean? That would be a more appropriate for a Transformers movie.
Ironically, Transformers has a great deal more in common with this picture than the original Superman franchise.
Man Of Steel is all about rip-roaring effects. I watched it in IMAX and the only apt word I can think of is 'awesome - from the opening sequences on Krypton to the last battle between our hero (Henry Cavill) and his nemesis, General Zod (Michael Shannon).
The general was enraged that Kal-el (Superman's real name) was launched from Krypton as a baby just as the planet was about to explode.
Apparently, on board the ship was also the key to the Kyptonites' future in the form of a codex.
I hope you are following carefully because I started to get a bit lost around the subject of the codex.
You see, the reason I always liked Superman was that it was a simple tale about a heroic newspaper reporter.
Clark Kent was geeky scribe who, with a quick swish, turned into Superman (just as I do in the office every day - only joking).
In this incarnation Kent is a general doo-gooder on earth who falls for Pulitzer-prize winning journalist Lois Lane (Amy Adams) after she discovers his true identity.
Anyway, suffice to say the pair team up in an attempt to save humanity from the nasty old Zod.
Helping them along are Kal-el/Clark/Superman's two dads - Russell Crowe and Kevin Costner.
Confused? Actually, so was I.
There was such a lot going on in Man Of Steel it was a bit difficult to keep track. This was a problem because I was in need of a toilet break but daren't go for fear of missing a vital scene (perhaps for films over two hours, Hollywood should bring back a ten-minute interval, complete with usherette's serving ice creams).
The story leaps back and forth in time to show how Superman came to earth, was brought up by Costner and Diane Lane on a farm, realised his superpowers at school and is tracked down by nasty old Zod.
Along the way, our hero saves scores of lives before the bad guys arrive.
And then all hell lets loose with great swathes of New York laid waste by a battle of good and evil.
For the first hour and a half I was rapt by Man Of Steel. The character exploration was decent and the special effects were stunning.
But once I had seen the tenth building smashed to smithereens I had seen enough. Sadly, director Zach Snyder hadn't so the fight scenes went on and on and on and on.
In other words, it was very good but way too long.
Was Cavill any good as Superman? Well, he was certainly very serious. But perhaps Robert Downey Junior has cornered the market in humourous heroes.
Laughs: none - this is a very serious Superman
Jumps: none
Vomit: none
Nudity: none
Overall rating: 8.5/10 (sorry, it was just too laboured to make it one of the pictures of the year).