Cert 15
81 mins
BBFC advice: Contains strong violence
On a beautifully sunny Saturday morning, with our garden looking as inviting as it ever has, what have I been doing?
Ah, yes, lying on the sofa inside a darkened living room, watching a pile of tripe dressed up as a movie.
Confine is a low-budget British film which only has one saving grace - the fact that it is just 78 minutes long.
Apparently, Tobias Tobbell's thriller has won an avalanche of awards at film festivals in Canada and the US. I struggle to imagine what the opposition was.
Its premise is decent enough: a badly scarred former model, Pippa, (Daisy Lowe) has locked herself in a posh apartment since a road crash four years previously.
She suffers panic attacks at the prospect of leaving her home and face-to-face interaction with other people.
Thus, when a heist goes wrong in her building and the perpetrator (Eliza Bennett) breaks into her flat to escape police, it causes her considerable consternation.
The film hinges on the dynamic between the slightly demented criminal and the vulnerable Pippa.
The problem is there is as much chemistry as between a stone and water and the lack of zest isn't improved when Alfie Allen enters the scene.
Sadly, neither Tobbell's script nor his direction can lift Confine above a rather irritating straight-to-DVD movie.
As it happens, it is appearing at a couple of cinemas which is why I am reviewing it, although I saw it on Virgin Movies On Demand.
Laughs: none
Jumps: none
Vomit: none
Nudity: none
Overall rating: 1.5/10