Cert 15
217 mins
BBFC advice: Contains strong violence, sexualised violence, sexualised nudity and language.
Just when I had girded my loins to try to tick of a bagful of movies I was faced with three and a half hours of Michael Cimino's infamous Heaven's Gate.
This was one of the biggest box office flops of all time and became notorious for off-screen shenanigans.
At the time it was pilloried but, more recently, at last year's Cannes film festival, critics seem to be re-appraising it.
I fell into love and hate camps. I could have easily cut the first section at Harvard completely (the speeches left me bamboozled) but the second half of the movie was riveting and, occasionally, brilliant.
Cimino's film surrounds the true story of American immigrants in Johnson County in Wyoming in 1890.
They are trying desperately to carve a living but are seen as anarchists and thieves by established ranchers who, with government backing, vow to kill 125 of them.
Kris Kristofferson plays the county marshal who shares the love of the local brothel's madam (Isabelle Huppert) with mercenary-in-chief (Christopher Walken).
Heaven's Gate is like a dozen short films with a couple of fairly flimsy planks holding them together.
The love triangle is one, as is the Harvard friendship of Kristofferson and John Hurt and the murderous intentions of Sam Waterston, the ranchers' leader.
It boast quality performances from all of the above, a decent cameo by Jeff Bridges and a blink-and-you-will-miss-it contribution from Mickey Rourke.
Its action sequences, particular its big battle scene are superb and it feels so much like the old west I could almost smell the dust in my nostrils.
The problem is that almost all of its sections are wildly overblown and often could have been erased (I am aware that there is a 149-minute version but even that would be too long).
The first director's cut which Cimino presented to the studio was a self-indulgent five hours.
He agreed to this version but, even then, I wish I had waited until my retirement to see it - because at least then I wouldn't have been cursing the amount of time it had taken to see it.
Laughs: none
Jumps: none
Vomit: Yes - just off camera.
Nudity: Oh yes... lots and lots of a young Isabelle Huppert (the French really don;t mind, do they?).
Overall rating: A really tricky one - the first hour was desperately dull but the last hour is magnificent. I'm plumping for 8/10