Cert 12A
131 mins
BBFC advice: Contains frequent moderate violence and one use of strong language.
The Smurfs 2, followed by Pacific Rim. Possibly the worst double bill in two and half years of the everyfilm quest.
I loathed them both but, whereas I can't imagine anyone defending the blue pygmies, I have already been challenged about my views of Transformers meets Godzilla.
I'm afraid I found Guillermo Del Toro's movie a terrible bore - even in IMAX.
Clearly others feel differently (see the average score on internet movie database) but, despite its admirable special effects, I found the plot crass and the acting as limp as a dead lettuce leaf left out in a thunderstorm.
To my mind, it tries to make up for its cerebral inadequacies by its size and its loudness. Neither help save the day.
Pacific Rim has us believe that huge and aggressive dinosaur-like aliens have come through a worm hole and are emerging one by one through a fissure in the earth's crust.
When they appear from the sea they rip coastal cities apart and nothing is capable of stopping them except giant robotic men navigated by two pilots whose brain patterns have to be interlinked.
Am I allowed to ask what happened to the ability of the world's superpowers to nuke them to death?
Apparently not, because the robots or jaegers (hunters in German) as they are known are the only saviour which remain.
And for some reason, there are only four of them because the world's governments think that building big walls will keep the Godzillas at bay (of course, they knock them down as if they are paper) rather than pay for more.
Idris Elba is in charge of the macho men who are determined to bring the monsters down.
Rinko Kikuchi is the plucky lass who wants to show the square jaws that she's up for the fight too.
There's a bit of dewy-eyedness surrounding their back story but that plays second fiddle to the main business of Pacific Rim - huge fight scenes which are literally so dark it is virtually impossible to work out what is going on.
And these scenes drag on and on and on... with cities crumbling as the battles ensue.
Ok, there are a couple of mad professors (Charlie Day and Burn Gorman) for comic value and Ron Perlman does his mad psycho killer bit but Pacific Rim rolls relentlessly on and on and on..
Not for me.
Laughs: none
Jumps: none
Vomit: yes
Nudity: none
Overall rating: 3/10 (all marks for special effects)