Cert 18
98 mins
BBFC advice: Contains strong sex and sex references and hard drug use
It was Monday night chez White and I had to turn the telly down.
Why? Because Heather Graham was grunting like a good 'un and Mrs W was concerned with 'what the neighbours might say.'
Indeed, Ms Graham wasn't the only one who was writhing around in Stephen Elliott's Cherry (or About Cherry as it was called in America) - Ashley Hinshaw plays the title role and does a fair bit of sweating too.
Indeed this amounts to little more than soft porn - the sort of film which might excite mid-teens if they had been allowed to watch it.
Nobody can deny that Hinshaw is a very attractive lass but surely a director has to do a little more than fix his lens on her naked top half and shiny white teeth to create an engaging movie.
This is meant to be an exploration of an 18-year-old's descent into hardcore pornography but is not nearly sleazy enough to carry off its intentions.
In fact, Hinshaw's character seems to be remarkably wholesome considering her upbringing by an alcoholic feckless mother and a boyfriend (a low-key James Franco) who plies her with drugs and booze.
When I say wholesome, she still works at a lap-dancing bar and is paid for having sex on camera, of course.
Despite a talented cast (Dev Patel is also wasted as Hinshaw's best friend), Cherry fails because it adds a gloss to a grimy industry which exploits young women.
Indeed, the only people who will enjoy it are those who are after a very cheap thrill.
So I'm sorry to disappoint the neighbours but we really weren't doing or watching anything exciting.
Laughs: none
Jumps: none
Vomit: off screen
Nudity: Yes but not as much as porn fans might expect.
Overall rating: 2.5/10