Cert U
75 mins
BBFC advice: Contains very mild action violence
I am always mighty relieved when I know that movies such as Conrad Helten's Barbie Spy Squad are going to be released on itunes.
This means that I don't need to go to cinema screens packed with young girls and their mums and look like a weirdo.
But I do take everyfilm seriously and so I am starting to develop a curious expertise about the likes of Barbie and My Little Pony.
On reflection, I probably shouldn't brag about it,
To the adult eye, Barbie Spy Squad is bizarre. However, I presume to young girls it is the stuff of dreams.
And, of course, it has already sparked a Barbie Spy Squad doll spin-off which is much more lucrative than the movie.
Anyway, the premise of the film is that Barbie (voiced by Erica Lindbeck) and her friends, Renee (Stephanie Sheh) and Teresa (Jenny Pellicer) are transformed from gymnasts into secret agents trying to catch a diamond thief.
And these are no ordinary diamonds. They combine to form the most deadly weapon on earth.
To help them in their endeavours, they have a geeky, Q-like character (Ian Hanlin), who offers them an array of gadgets, glamorous disguises and a talking robot dog.
When I watch a movie I try to place myself in the mind of its target audience but with Barbie Spy Squad this was not easy.
I would imagine the dog would be seen as cute and the costumes would be seen as dazzling but it was all a little over my head.
The plot is simple but fantastical but that is normal in the world of Barbie and My Little Pony.
The question at its heart is will the world be saved by Barbie and her mates. What do you think?
Barbie has been a worldwide household name for decades so who am I to criticise its marketeers?
Although, interestingly, its movies tend to have very short cinema runs, indicating they are used as home pacifiers rather than day-out experiences.
As for its rating, I can't give it many marks because of its predictability and plot holes.
Reasons to watch: if you are a six-year-old girl
Reasons to avoid: if you are not
Laughs: none
Jumps: none
Vomit: none
Nudity: none
Overall rating: 4/10
Star Tweet
Erica Lindbeck VOICE ACTORS ARE LIVING BREATHING HUMAN PEOPLE TOO. WE HAVE FEELS. RESPECT OUR FEELS. #respectthefeels2016