Cert 12A
102 mins
BBFC advice: Contains moderate violence, sex references, infrequent strong language
I am in a happy place today because I have just managed to fix a speaker up to my new record player.
I add this context because my mood is in direct contrast to the one which I had on Wednesday evening when Mrs W and I watched Zoolander 2 at Nottingham Cineworld.
Ben Stiller's film only had one saving grace - it enabled me to catch up on 20 minutes sleep!
I had dropped off after its lamentable opening but it became clear that I had missed absolutely nothing.
Zoolander 2 posed so many questions. Top of the list was 'why bother?' but I presume that the simple answer to that was that it was made for the money.
More difficult to understand was why so many top-line celebs agreed to have anything to do with it (I wondered whether its makers were trying for a Guinness record for the number of cameos).
Zoolander 2 is the height of self-indulgence. I presume those taking part had a jolly good laugh. A pity they forgot they were making it for a paying audience.
Stiller hasn't been funny since Meet The Parents in 2000, the year before the original Zoolander mocked the fashion world.
We have to delve even further into the past to find his most hilarious moments during There's Something About Mary.
He cannot duck responsibility for this latest in a long line of duds because he directed, produced, co-wrote and starred in Zoolander 2.
He plays Derek Zoolander, the world's most famous model whose pose/stare was charismatic enough in the first movie to fend off a deadly weapon.
This sequel begins with him brought out of retirement to join his old pal Hansel (Owen Wilson) on the catwalk.
This is a precursor for him being signed up by the fashion police (!) to track down the killer of stars such as Justin Bieber.
Derek and Hansel team up with Penelope Cruz and her unfeasibly large breasts and come up against his nemesis, played by Will Ferrell.
Along the way there are scores of in-jokes which I am sure tickled cast and crew but left Mrs W and me stony-faced.
Zoolander 2 was worse than poor. It was boring.
Reasons to watch: if you are a Ben Stiller fan
Reasons to avoid: the remarkable lack of funny moments
Laughs: two chuckles
Jumps: none
Vomit: none
Nudity: none
Overall rating: 2/10
Star tweet
Martha Stewart The Derek Zoolander Center For People Who Don’t Age Good turned me back into a spring chicken.