Cert 15
99 mins
BBFC advice: Strong violence, injury detail, threat, strong violence
The crass stupidity of its plot and its careless script left me wondering just how London Has Fallen has made so much money at the box office.
Then came the answer: Gerard Butler.
I questioned a Facebook post from a female work colleague who hailed Babak Najafi's film as "brilliant."
When I claimed a rabbit cop made more sense in Zootropolis, she replied: "Sorry Neil, you seem to be out voted by the ladies. Gerard = brilliant film !!"
If I had stated a similar thought about Cameron Diaz then I might have been deemed to be sexist (or plain wrong) but, hey, this is 2016. The laydeez have a right to follow the rippling muscles and lads should know their place.
I just wish mine hadn't have been in screen 2 at Nottingham Cineworld for the 99 tortuous minutes of Olympus Has Fallen, moved to England.
I feared the worst from an opening scene in which the gorgeous one is running backwards alongside the American President (Aaron Eckhart), while on protection duty.
The pres asks: "What do they make you out of?" to which the muscular one replies: "Bourbon and poor choices."
I couldn't prevent a loud groan. But that is just the beginning.
Butler plays Mike Banning who took on the terrorists single-handedly while saving the president in a previous attack on the White House (which, amazingly, is now perfectly reconstructed).
This time he accompanies him to the state funeral of the British Prime Minister which is, for reasons which are never explained, arranged with incredible haste.
Anyway, Banning and his detail are right to be worried about the lack of preparation because they had not accounted for almost the entire Metropolitan Police force and the guards at Buckingham Palace to have become terrorists.
Therefore, world leaders and hundreds of members of the public are obliterated as London landmarks fall like nine pins at the hands of the bad guys.
But, who cares, as long as Banning can keep his boss safe? And he tries to do this with a series of nifty manoeuvres on car, foot and helicopter.
To be fair, the chase scenes are as impressive as the special effects and, unless you are a Gerard fan, the main reason to watch this movie.
But I was too distracted by the obvious nonsenses. Why was London's top cop (Colin Salmon) only a chief inspector, what happened to the police and army who were not terrorists, and how was Westminster Abbey rebuilt in just two weeks?
And don't get me on the ridiculous back-slapping finale.
London Has Fallen is bonkers but, apparently the cinema-going public don't care. They are happy to pay to see a handsome fella who can run backwards.
Reasons to watch: stunning CGI explosions in London
Reasons to avoid: so many huge plot holes
Laughs: none
Jumps: none
Vomit: none
Nudity: none
Overall rating: 3/10
Star tweet
Gerard Butler Fun to work with Aaron Eckhart again. It was awesome to have all of the cast back for #LondonHasFallen.